


Am I Alone Now?

by titaniumsansa



Category: Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/F, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Not Canon Compliant, Past Child Abuse, Snaibsel, Stand Alone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:17:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22040113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/titaniumsansa/pseuds/titaniumsansa
Summary: Artemis Crock and her complicated relationship with alone and lonely.
Relationships: Artemis Crock/Zatanna Zatara
Comments: 4
Kudos: 39





	Am I Alone Now?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sunkelles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunkelles/gifts).



> AN: Definitely inspired by episode 11 of Wolf 359, Am I Alone Now?  
> It's one of my favorite episodes but it's not needed to understand this fic at all. I had a lot of feelings and here they are.  
> This is probably going to be my last fic of the decade and that is a lot to process lol.

Her father has a favorite joke. It's not funny especially after the first dozen times he's told it. She could recite it if she wanted to, but she never does. He still drilled it into her mind, without anesthesia. He made her recite it more than once, as a show of her being _well-trained_ to some of his _friends_. 

"Three men are on a deserted island. They've been there for months. Starving, desperate, afraid. Then, one day, one of them finds a magic lamp. A genie comes out of the lamp, gives each of them a wish. Man number one wishes to go home to his family, so the genie goes “Poof!” and the man goes away. Man number two wishes to go home to his wife, so the genie goes “Poof!” and the man goes away. Man number three says, “I do not want to be alone. I wish my friends were back here," Artemis can say it without letting sound pass through her lips. 

Her father always says it's a good joke, that everyone likes it, and that it always gets a good, long laugh. 

I _s anyone laughing now?_ she wonders to herself. It's not the first time she thinks that, sitting in the room that's just hers since Jade ran away, ignoring bruises she can't let anyone see. Alone is always better than being with her father. 

* * *

Alone isn't a bad word, she learns as she gets used to one school and tries to avoid sticking out. She has friends, people she likes at school but has never invited home, she'd never willingly expose anyone to her father, to the monster that she lives with. Artemis has seen her father break bones. He's made her bleed multiple times. Once, he hit one of the kitchen cabinet doors with such force the wood splintered from the hinge. It's always a relief to be alone when the alternative is being around him.

She's alone frequently and she doesn't mind. Alone isn't horrible, she thinks as she walks home and passes classmates laughing and walking home together, lonely is. It's still better to be alone or lonely than let someone hurt her though, and she remembers that every time she cuts someone off who gets too close. It's better to be the one in charge of the knife, easier to cut people out than be cut out. Artemis is self-sufficient, a survivor, and she doesn't want to rely on someone who might let her down or get hurt because of her. 

_The third man says, "I do not want to be alone."_

Her mother chases her father out with her titanium spine and strong lungs. Relief fills her system and her mom tells her that neither of them have to be alone again. Artemis read her mom's letters about solitary confinement and knows they are both happy to have each other. She got every letter Artemis sent, every letter, every week, for the six years she was away. Artemis sent them in secret, aware of the pain of being alone and lonely at the same time. Her mother will actually be home every night, unlike her father. She's pulling Artemis away from the life. They're going to be on the right side of the law.

Lonely is still an endless void sometimes, but she fills it with other things, fighting, training, schoolwork, and pretends it's okay. Sometimes it is.

* * *

Soon after she meets Green Arrow, she has more people to keep track of than she'd ever thought she would. There's Green Arrow himself of course, who she meets with regularly and trains with. They patrol together and it's so fun to apply everything she knows to strive to be the best of the best. She'd never tell him, but she always liked the heroes without powers, long before she ever tried to fight crime herself. Green Arrow always seemed much more approachable than Batman though, but he doesn't need to know he was always her favorite hero.

Then there's Black Canary, with her kind smile and killer voice, who helps her stay sharp too. Sometimes they patrol together too, and she loves learning from her. There's Roy, who Green Arrow and Black Canary both talk about but she doesn't get to meet him until later. Then there's the Team. 

Of course, there's Robin, Aqualad, Superboy, Miss Martian, and Kid Flash to learn about too. They all have long track records as sidekicks and she's the new kid on the block. She's got to prove herself and establish who she is on the Team. It takes time to get used to experiencing so many thoughts and senses at once, but it gets easier to adjust to, just like the Team.

Admittedly, they're not friends right away. M'gann gets annoyed with her when she shows interest in Superboy, but anyone with eyes can tell that those two have something going on. Still, M'gann sticks up for her when Kid Flash accuses her of not doing her job. M'gann seems like a genuinely nice person and Artemis doesn't think about any of it till later.

There are still so many moments where she's just alone.

It's not just loneliness. It's her work to make sure she isn't her father, that she's actively learning how to be better. She unlearns so many lessons. The world is not a boxing ring, she does not need to actively look for opponents, and she doesn't have to know everyone's weak spots. Not everyone is out to get her either. Part of that is that she's on the side of the League now and not a wanted criminal. The world isn't an escape room. Artemis doesn't need to have an exit plan for every situation, for every threat, for every person she ever meets, there aren't hidden keys and riddles to hunt for every single day.

It's easy to be alone. She's still working on learning the lesson that it's genuinely okay to want to see other people. Being part of  _ the Team  _ has taught her as many lessons as simply being part of  _ a team  _ has. Sometimes it's even safer to be with other people. She can't move as fast as Kid Flash or Conner. There are times they all save each other.

_ I am cracking. _ Artemis thinks as she accepts an invitation to get food after a late mission. Her mom hasn't responded to her text so she's assuming she's asleep. This could hurt.

"It couldn't hurt to get to know them a bit more," Ollie insists quietly, pulling her in for a one-sided hug. He presses something into her hand that crinkles as she flexes her fingers.

"They have really good French fries there," he says knowingly. 

"Thank you," Artemis whispers before she steps away. The others are talking to their mentors now too before they head out to get food. Artemis glances back up at Ollie and feels a rush of warmth. He is her mentor and he's looking out for her just like the others are.

"Text me when you're home," Ollie requests. Artemis gives him a nod. It's a reasonable request and she waves at him before she disappears with the others through the Zeta tube. The night is warm, the food is fresh, the conversation is light, and Artemis finds herself laughing with the rest of them.

* * *

_ Why are we so afraid of being alone? _

The thought haunts her as she makes her way back to her mom's apartment, through the still bustling Gotham. Here on this street, she isn't alone. There are people everywhere, in cars, on the sidewalk, in buildings, and probably on the rooftops. This place isn't isolated, not really, if she screamed, a few people would notice at least. A GCPD squad car drives past her as she thinks it and she ponders the question.

_ I'm home. Thank you for everything. _ She sends the text to Ollie and gets ready for sleep.

* * *

It takes time to fully take apart and examine her question. She doesn't fully know the answer until after the adults disappear. Artemis is thrilled because they're in a world without her father. She is safe from him for as long as this lasts, no more looking in reflections and listening to the sounds around her to see if she's being followed by him. He never is. At least, if he is, she hasn't caught him. The rest of the world is in chaos though, with the lack of adults, things collapse in on themselves. As the Team, they need to be a united front to help keep the kids of the world from panicking and fighting.

Zatanna is one of the people she can't help but notice looks horribly upset at the loss of adults. She's wiping away tears after they're dropping kids off with the rest of the Team.

"I miss my dad. I'm so worried I'm never going to see him again," Zatanna sniffles. Artemis can't blame her. She remembers her mom, Ollie, and Dinah and how much she misses them right now too. 

"This isn't permanent," Artemis promises. There's no way they all make it to eighteen and disappear into the world of adults. There's gotta be a way to fix this.

* * *

The cost is too steep. As far as magic goes on TV, Artemis is sure Zatanna would rather pay in blood, tears, money, or some obscure spell ingredient than lose the one person she just got back. The price is paid. 

"Do you want to leave with me?" Zatanna whispers. The League and the Team are trying to process what just happened. There are several sets of eyes on them but Artemis ignores the growing tension.

"Sure," Artemis agrees before their friends disappear in front of her eyes.

"Welcome to my home. Shadowcrest," Zatanna says. It's a sprawling mansion, made of stone, clearly magical, and it looks bigger than her entire apartment building. The grass is perfectly manicured, the statues that startle her are pristine, and the building screams of power. The front door opens with ease. Artemis follows Zatanna in and understands the answer to her question.

_ Why are we so afraid of being alone? _

Because it is scary to be the only one home at night. It is unnerving to hear sounds and know you're the only one in the entire building. The fear comes from the future and the way it falls apart without the pillars of people who were supposed to be there. It stems from the emptiness, the vast area that might as well be the vacuum of space if one is alone. To be alone is to only have yourself. No support, no backup, no extra pair of eyes to help look or an extra brain to help think. It's the lack of an escape route. It's the absence of comfort. It all seems less intimidating with the support or presence of other people. 

"You don't have to do this all by yourself," Artemis hears herself say. She doesn't like that advice for herself but it's still true in her case and Zatanna's.

"It's my mistake. I did that to him," Zatanna shakes her head. The disappointment is coming off her in waves. 

"But that doesn't mean you have to fix it all by yourself," Artemis tells her. She can picture the people they left behind, their reactions to their sudden disappearance. Ollie and Dinah have probably both texted her already but they have time to wait. Artemis looks around the parlor to see gracefully aged furniture. It's dated by a few decades but it compliments the house and the sleek dark wood floors.

If she didn't know any better, she'd assume Zee took her to a museum. A house frozen in time from whatever year it was. It is horribly easy to imagine Zatanna sitting in one of the plush chairs and growing old in here, alone. Not coming back to the Team, not seeing the outside world, and never seeing her father again.

The possibility makes sense. Alone can mean safe. Alone can also be heart-rending loneliness. It would be easy for Zatanna to tell her to leave, to get out, and never return. She could avoid the Team and League for the rest of her life. Zatanna looks off into the still dark hallway with unblinking eyes. Artemis reaches for her hand.

"You are not alone. You have me," Artemis reminds her. She laces their fingers together and looks into the hallway with her. Zee doesn't swat her hand away or look annoyed at their proximity but Artemis isn't going to push.

"You're supposed to tell me that I have the League and the Team too," Zatanna mutters bitterly. Artemis sighs.

"I can't speak for them and I don't. I don't know if anyone will try to stop us from getting your dad back," Artemis answers. Zatanna looks at her. Her fingers tense enough to hurt but it's not the worst pain Artemis has ever been in. It doesn't even register as Zatanna's eyes meet hers.

"You'd do that for me?" Zatanna asks.

"Yeah. And I'm gonna do it with you," Artemis promises. She's not exactly sure about the how or the when but they can figure it out later. This could absolutely be a mistake and maybe she'll end up alone again. It's also worth trying, too, Artemis thinks. Together could be wonderful, she knows as she looks at Zatanna. Together could mean partners like Superman and Flash but it could also mean together like Dinah and Ollie.

"Let's figure this out. Together," Zatanna grins.


End file.
